World of Make Believe

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what did you think? I need to lose weight and that I completely destroyed my face last night picking imaginary blackheads for an hour.

2. When is the next time you will have sex? Let's hope in…what, 3 months?

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DUCK"? Fuck, Luck, Muck, Puck, Tuck, Yuck…

4.What's your favorite planet? Saturn

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile? My mother

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? "Mockingbird" by Eminem (I need new ringtones)

7. What shirt are you wearing? My "Agnes Scott College Dance Team" t-shirt that says "Shut up and Dance" on the back of it.

8. Do you "label" yourself? All the time.

9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing? I was wearing Timberland boots to work a few hours ago, now I am barefoot.

10. Bright or Dark Room? Dark. I don't do bright lights. At all. Ever.

11. What do you think about the last person who took this survey? Tracy…she's a sweetheart and stronger than she knows. <3

12. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep in? The one with the foam pillows and no feathers sticking out anywhere.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sitting at my computer, talking to Paul and Billy and some other people, waiting to get sleepy. Kind of like tonight. Except Paul's not online.

14. What did your last text message say that you received on your mobile? "Ok" (From Rodney)

15. Who is the coolest person in your life? Chris is cool. But so is Rhiannon…I love that girl. <3 And David and Billy are pretty decent…. ;)

16. What's a word that you say a lot? "Fabulous." "Fuck!" "Merde!"

17.Who told you he/she loved you last? Chris.

18. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Hahaha, don't even ask me this. Prescription drugs run my life right now.

19. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? 1 or 2.

20. Favorite age you have been so far? So far? My 12th birthday was pretty cool…I was Clara in the Nutcracker…and I have never felt so special as I did that year to so many people. Admired, loved, adored, respected, looked-up to.

21. Your worst enemy? Me.

22. What is your current desktop picture? Kittens.

23. What was the last thing you said to someone? "I will soon." (In response to my mother telling me to go to bed.)

24. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you take? A million bucks.

25. Do you like someone? Oh, yes.

26. The last song you listened to? "World of Make Believe" by Within Temptation.

27. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, what would you do? Push her out of harm's way.

28. If you could punch 1 person in the face who's in your life right now, who would it be? Oh, god, there's a lot of people I want to hit right now.

29. What is the closest object to your left foot? A toy chair- I have my legs propped up, and my feet are resting on it.

30. What are you angry about right now? I'm not. I'm very apathetic right now. Yes.

So, I randomly asked the lovely people in TF chat what I should write about, and the first subject to come up was "Don't cross breed donkeys with lizards."

Makes sense, right? I mean, really. Can you imagine what that would look like? There are several different scenarios we could go with here.

* Imagine a little green lizard. Maybe think about the gecko from the Geico commercials. Only…he's a gecko. Not a lizard. But whatever. Now, imagine this lizard with a mane, tail, and a horse face. Whenever someone would try to catch this lizard, he'd lose his tail. That's a lot of hair, people. Furthermore, he'd shed his skin. Which could easily be tangled up in the mane or tail, and that shit would just cause TOO many problems!

* Or, take a donkey. A donkey with short little green legs, the body of a donkey, the tail of a lizard, the head of a lizard. Or, hell, we can give the donkey his normal legs. I do have a bit of sensitivity going on here, somewhat, anyway. Let's give him normal legs. Because I can't really imagine a donkey with lizard legs.Now, just throw in a long green tail, and a small green head. The tail would shed. And let's make sure the tail still breaks off when being chased. Because tails falling off? They're really cool.

So. You see what I mean? Except now I'm leaning toward actually cross-breeding lizards and donkeys. Because how freaking cool would it be for a donkey's tail to fall off when feeling threatened? Sure, it's a lot of hair (unless we go with Lizard McLizard's tail, which would still be awesome), but it'd just be so cool.

If only donkeys could have tails like lizards. My life would be complete. (Well, not really, but you know what I mean.) Ahem. Anyway. To prevent donkeys with really short lizard legs that would result in their bellies scraping the ground (ouch!)…no cross-breeding donkeys or lizards.

And that's that.

(Real time: Worked from 9:30 – 4PM today. Ate apple dippers from McDonald's. Came home, ate fruit salad. Really freaking wired right now. And rambling. And FUN. Yep yep. And listening to Within Temptation…but what else is new? XOXOXOXO) 

Spiral notebooks is the latest work in progress by…me. Woo-hoo. Actually, it's more of an interactive project, and I'm not going to link here until I get more submissions for it, and whatnot.

There's so much to do now. And I, I am just so freaking exhausted.

In other news, I will be kicking the lovely Morphine's ass for getting me addicted to Kingdom of Loathing. (www.kingdomofloathing.com). So, if she stops updating her blog (which we all know she needs to do more of), it is because I have kicked her ass. Oh, and I am a Sauceror by the name of Crystallia over there.

Yeah. Happy Easter to you.

(I have no life. I got bored tonight, and made this, okay?)

(And whatever, copyright and stuff.) 

Ha!

Charlie has a fanmail page now. Enjoy.

(More will be written when I feel a bit better. I am out of sorts right now, sorry.)

His name is Charles Flapjack. Charles after my father, I suppose. Flapjack because it’s so appropriate. However, I think I will call him Charlie. He seems to like the nickname.

He’s cute. He’s graceful, elegant, and has a sense of humor. He has patience, and is infinitely wise in his “live life and do what you want” philosophy. He has beautiful dark brown eyes that I can just stare into forever and ever, and has the softest skin. He’s not afraid to show his emotions, but is most often just content. Sometimes, when I look at him, I feel like he might be thinking “What the fuck is going on here?” but that’s just understandable. We have a unique connection, him and I.

Charlie is…simply Charlie. He makes me smile when I am stressed out or crying, he gives me a reason to keep working in life. He gives me direction when I have none. He gives me hope for the world! His patience is unending, his consistency in his life is unwavering. I like that kind of consistency.

Meet Charlie.

You don’t have a lot of options. And you create something absolutely mundane, and often random, to attempt to end the boredom-ness.

Some people like to download music. I am one of those people. I love my utorrent, and I will spend weekends going through and selecting CDs or even movies to download. My recent favorites have been Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Closer. I think I have actually mentioned this before. Do I remember? No, I never do. Right now, I am downloading Grey’s Anatomy season 1 and season 2 episodes 1-20. When this finishes, I may move on to Family Guy. I actually like that show.

I know a few people who love to read, and learn. Again, this is something I do. Particularly when I am bored. I recently recieved a textbook I ordered– Charts of World Religions– and am planning on flipping through it and reading it as soon as I am bored and in a mood to learn. Read and learn, study something new.

Sometimes, though, I go off and do something I’m not sure I’ve heard anyone talk about doing when they are bored. Recently, I made a photobucket account filled with various Within Temptation icons. Not only that, I sorted these icons in to various sub-albums. Last night, it was smilies.

Yes, those lovely little emoticons. I think I need a life. Or, perhaps, a different hobby. The smilies are fun, though. I will (more than likely) post a link to the album in which I am keeping them when I’m done uploading them. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

(I am. )

“&all she does is take, and I’ve got nothing left to give.”

Sometimes, I wonder why in the hell people come to me with their problems. Is it because I am a good listener? Because I (for the most part, I won’t lie) tend to geniunely care about people, especially people I consider my friends, and I try to offer sensible advice and/or a reality check? (Yes, some people do get wind of my smartass mouth, but there are just some things that seem blatantly obvious, and I tend to have moments of “they cannot be serious” and react accordingly.)

I got a call from one of my sisters today. I haven’t mentioned them much in this blog, primarily because my family life is so unbelievably messed up that I’m not entirely sure who I am related to and who I am not. It seems that she and my other sister (that I know) got into a fight. My other sister, S (I’ll just use initials for the sake of privacy) has apparently decided she doesn’t need M in her life. That she doesn’t need, want, or have to have anything to do with her. Naturally, M is hurt.

As for myself, I am not surprised. S has pulled this shit before with me. It’s a back and forth game you grow numb to after awhile. You get tired of having stories and lies spread about you, you get tired of giving all you can to a human leech, and then getting yelled at and “cut out of her life.”

People, as a whole, take other people for granted. We don’t feel a need to treasure every single moment we have with someone, because they’ll always be there for us, right? They’re not going to leave. We will end today and wake up tomorrow, and all will be the same. We get confronted with problems, sometimes over and over again, and we work them out, and we move on. Nothing will change, our relationships will be eternal. “GTG, TTYL,” has many fans and is a frequently used phrase. Got to go, talk to you later.

In some cases, though, today is the end of any tomorrows. Sometimes, things are damaged to a point where they just can’t be salvaged. Other times, people become unwilling to try to work things out. They get scared. They will never admit it, but they get scared. Sometimes, you run out of tomorrows, plain and simple. We take people for granted until given a reason not to. We do the opposite of what we should. They’re always going to be there.

M and S’s relationship will never be the same. M’s not like me, she won’t go back to her over and over again. She’s hurt. Of course, she has a reason to be hurt. Me…I like to try and fix things. Hang on to people I know I should. Sometimes too much, sometimes at the wrong time. But it’s not because I’ve done it voluntarily. I’ve taken a lot of people for granted, people I shouldn’t have taken for granted. At first, it was my mother. Then she got a death sentence of a week, was in ICU, and all I could think about was everything I’d done wrong. Granted…it’s fair to say my mother is not perfect. But no one is. Things are better between us than they ever have been before. I’m not above admitting, however, that had she been perfectly happy, had she not been so sick, things would probably have continued on the same path they did throughout my teenage years.

It’s hard to digest, though, when attempting to pull certain things in life together, that some things, some people, refuse. And then you wonder why you wasted those years, those opportunities. Why you argued and fought, and now that person can only remember the fights. Not the good memories, just the fights. Not the inside jokes, the birthdays, the secrets, the love, the knowledge (at the time) that they’d always be there, no matter what. But then it happens, the person refuses. And you sit, and wonder how much time to you devote to making things right? If you think it’s worth it, you keep trying. But for how long? When is enough enough?

Eventually, though, you give up. You have to. You just have this hope, in the back of your mind, that they’ll change their mind. Sometimes, you cry. You might get angry. But eventually…it will fade away. It’s a matter of taking what’s offered to you at that time– because someday, there won’t be any tomorrows, and it will be too late. That’s it. That’s the end.

Then comes the regret. “Why did I say no?” and the tell-all, “What might have been?”

Things change. I don’t want to have any more regrets. I have enough of those. But there comes a time when there’s nothing left to give. I am holding on, but I can only do it for so long.

Checkmate. Game over.

I’m awfully tempted to write this entry in purple. Because my new AIM font color is purple, and I have purple smilies to match it. They’re really cute.

Purple it is.

So, I’m not entirely sure what to write about right now. I feel like rambling, but I don’t have the words right now. I should be doing an assignment, but of course that just doesn’t always happen with me, does it? No, of course not. That would make my life far too easy, and that’s just not going to happen at this point in time. Why, I don’t know, but I do admittedly feel a bit cursed at this point.

Almost amusing, because I was talking to a friend of mine about Wicca and curses and the like a few days ago. It’s going to be my latest subject of interest to study and read up on, in addition to teaching. (Naturally, teaching will always be there at this point in time.) I do, admittedly, know a bit about Wicca, as it was something I dabbled in as a teenager, around ages fifteen/sixteen. After my stint in religion, anyway. So I may very well pick it back up, not for the purpose of practicing Wicca, but simply as an addition field of study. Then I think I’ll continue on my journey to study the Kama Sutra. I briefly studied in the class I took “Religion and Morality,” and it’s another lifestyle I find fascinating, and far more appropriate than I think people realize in society today.

It is NOT all about the sex, people! It’s a lifestyle guide, on the art of love and romance. Beautiful work, what I have read of it so far. Which, admittedly, isn’t all that much, but only brief summaries that I prepared for my class. Literally translated, the phrase Kama Sutra means Aphorisms of Love. (For those who don’t know, an aphorism is defined as “A tersely phrased statement of a truth or opinion; an adage.” (My paper cites www.dictionary.com as the source of this definition.) So by the title in and of itself, the Kama Sutra is, essentially, phrased statements of a truth or opinion on love. Interesting. I think I will be ordering the unabridged Kama Sutra in the next few days. Just for something to read. After I make it through the Rookie Teaching for Dummies book I ordered.

I also have the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Conversational Sign Language and the American Sign Language dictionary I’m working through. Mainly because I’m trying to get into Sign Language classes at Georgia State University. Technically, I’m stressing over getting into classes at GSU, because they only accept seven students in them. So I’m really crossing my fingers on that, and hoping that I get in. It’ll be really wonderful to learn Sign Language, because then I could teach children with hearing problems as opposed to solely teaching children who have no hearing problems. And I’m just really interested in AMSLAN (the abbreviation of American Sign Language) and have been ever since I learned finger spelling in fourth grade? Just as a random thing to learn.

It’s weird how some things come full circle. A desire to teach, and actually teaching children in fifth (kindergartners) and sixth (first graders) grade, and now I’m going to get certified in Early Childhood Education, even though I originally came into college a Creative Writing/English Literature and Psychology double-major, and then went to Women’s Studies, and…well, teaching.

I’m getting off the subject. Except…I don’t think I started this blog with any particular subject in mind. I should probably end this soon, it’s getting rather long. And I really do have to do my homework at some point in time, even though it’s exceedingly mind-numbing right now and I see no purpose in doing it. Then I think I’ll add some pages on this blog. I’ll change Creator to Author , add Book Listing , add Creative Writing, and leave Desired the way it is, and add an Education link to detail my classes and grades thus far, but I don’t know for sure about any of this yet. Yes, it’ll be alphabetical order, because I’m weird about things like that, and I alphabetized my buddy list after I got DeadAim last night. After setting aliases for the whole damn list, anyway. And after I do my homework– assuming I actually do it– I have to do my section for the Above and Beyond novel writing class over at Evolution writers. At any rate, I should go and be more productive than I am now…I may end up starting my Rookie Teaching for Dummies book. I need motivation to get what I have to do, done, instead of doing and learning what I want to learn. Because nine times out of ten, the subjects that randomly spark my interest are subjects that will never come in handy in real life.Goodnight, loves.Edited for this note: Yes, I am aware there is something strangely perverse about having the words filled and Kama Sutra in the title of this entry, but I don’t care enough to change it.