sliding scales
I haven't been eating much lately. I've dropped 10 pounds since I've been back to work for this summer. I'm just not hungry. Pills make me not hungry.Pills on top of work…well, I won't be eating much at all.
This lack of eating isn't intentional. It's really not. But I don't mind it. My mother told me today my stomach already looks "MUCH better" (read: a tiny bit smaller) and she told me how proud she was of me for losing weight. That's about all she ever is proud of me for. Go fucking figure. I have been eating some, don't get me wrong. I know I need to eat to function and all (duh). But…well, yesterday…I ate an apple. At night. And that's all.
At least, I think I ate an apple. And maybe a couple pieces of meat from some beef stew my grandmother made. But that's all.
Even if this lack of eating isn't intentional…I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying this weightloss. Rather rapid weightloss, too. It's definitely triggering. I always drop a ton of weight when I get in this "mode", and then I eventually level out and plateau, but I still keep losing at least a pound or so a week. Trigger trigger trigger.
I can't think of a single person who's absolutely 100% content with my weight. Or my appearance. Everyone has standards. Myself included. I just tend to base my personal standards on those little comments that people make towards me– and I make my standards just a little bit harsher than those comments. It all hurts. I really do want to be pretty and thin.
Vanity. Yes. I know this. I'm just not sure if I care at the moment. I want to be vain and superficial and work on looking good. Even if I do get hit on already by some of the skeeziest (yes, I just said 'skeeziest') guys this side of the Mason-Dixon line. *sighs* It's bad when getting hit on becomes an almost *offensive* experience.
C'est la vie. Such is the wonderful fucking world of working at Long John Silver's. I close every single night this week. Except Saturday, then I work a day shift. I have no off days. Instead, I'm just going to be spending every single day sleeping until about 2, then waking up, showering, and going to work. Repeat daily. Every. single. day.
Can I drop dead yet? Yes? Thank you.
